The Unthinkable

So, the unthinkable just happened...

I had a TERRIBLE Wal-Mart run.

Typically Wal-Mart runs are the highlight of my week. Yes, it's pathetic that such a trivial thing makes me so infinitely happy, but it does. Anyway, I was trying to do my parents a favor and get a few things from their grocery list while I did some shopping for my car/room/tummy. I started out by returning the Benjamin Button DVD I will probably only watch once (might as well wait for it to be on the IU movie channel for f

ree), which was sweet because it put $25 back on my Visa.

The first thing I learned is that I am the least efficient Wal-Mart shopper on the face of the planet. Every time I wanted something, I wound up crossing the store to get it, and I'm 90% sure I walked a couple miles between items tonight.

My first major problem with finding things was the lightbulbs, which are not with in massive ceiling fan aisle, but four aisles back (past the painting supplies) across from the electronics department. Of course.

Next problem was the graham crackers, which were MUCH more difficult to find. I started in the cracker aisle, but after five minutes of staring at every product in the aisle, I determined that they were not with the regular crackers. I got a gallon of milk and proceeded down the list when I spotted one of the big signs overhead, saying that graham crackers were in fact in the same aisle as normal crackers. Convinced I was a moron, I again looked through every product and determined that the sign was lying. Fifteen minutes later, as I'm searching for trash bags on the other side of the store, I found myself in a strange new aisle...

"Everything you need for s'mores."

Of course, this aisle was filled with graham crackers, but I was still on the lookout for trash bags. So naturally, I look in the aisle with all the trash cans, where I see this nice little sign advertising trash bags:

Do you see any trash bags in this aisle? Yeah, me neither, so I quickly gave up that search and went to check out.

Of course, checkout couldn't be easy. The gift card I had gotten a few days ago from a return without a receipt was missing, so I just used my credit card (which is still $300 under the limit)... And that got declined. Four times. So I wound up just using my gas card, which is supposed to only be for gas.

Of course, my bigger concern was that my credit card suddenly didn't have enough money for me to pay for a few groceries, and that is one mystery I have yet to solve, but I will be on that tomorrow morning when the bank opens.

Looking back, I suppose the ordeal isn't nearly as dramatic as I thought... But I am a simple man and I have simple thrills. When you take my simple thrills away from me, I get upset.

So please, Wal-Mart, do not upset me again. If you're going to have a sign on an aisle, please have those items in that aisle.