"Looking Up"

I started this entry a few days ago, but lacked the resolve to actually finish it. I've also started my list of resolutions, but haven't decided exactly how I'm going to post them, or if some of them should even be posted.

Naturally the end of 2009 caused me to look back at the previous year and ponder what went wrong, what went right, and what things I'm still trying to figure out from 2008. For anyone that has known me for over a year, I think it's pretty safe to say that I'm in a much better place today than I was on December 31, 2008. I came off a pretty awful fall semester and plowed through an even more awful spring semester with terrible grades, a failed transfer to Ball State, awkward social situations and tons of things I'd rather not revisit.

I can't really place the moment where things turned around, but this semester has easily been the most confident and honest I've been with myself and other people, which is something I'm more proud of than I can begin to quantify in this post. I made a lot of mistakes but I took nearly all of them with enough class to admit the mistakes, make amends, and move on.

I have deemed 2009 my "Cut and Run Year" because that's basically all I did. Rather than face my mistakes, I've spent most of the year running from them and acting like they never happened. As soon as I gained closeness in relationships that I thought I was longing for, I chickened out and ran away. That's not how anyone should live their life, because in the long run you forget to actually live through all of the running out.

Here's to 2010 and another year of allowing ourselves to be human.