"It Ends Tonight"

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

- Albert Einstein

Let's recap, shall we? I'm finishing my fifth semester of college and I just officially changed my major a few weeks ago, and am now staying in college an extra year thanks to requirements I didn't have as an education major. I have big dreams of marching The Cavaliers this summer--despite my moderately gimp knee--but have done very little to prepare for the audition even though it starts in two days. (That's the first time I've seen that sentence, and I'm now more terrified than before.) If marching drum corps doesn't work out, I'd love to do an internship with DCI in the video department, but have absolutely nothing to show for my multimedia prowess. I talk a lot about not having a church home, yet every Sunday morning I'm either asleep until two in the afternoon or nowhere near Bloomington.

So this all begs the question, "where the hell is my life going?"

True, I'm scared out of my wits. I'm afraid of being judged personally and professionally, but I'm never going to get anywhere if I just sit here wondering what's going to happen next. My favorite things to do this semester have been making lists and making excuses. I have a long list of things I'm planning to do, things I'm planning on researching, things I'm planning on doing with my time. And that list just keeps getting longer and longer, as do my list of excuses.

Which brings me back to the beginning of this post. I'm doing the same things over and over, and yet for some stupid reason I'm expecting my life to go somewhere after the next attempt. I can't believe how much time I've wasted just waiting for something to happen when I've done absolutely nothing to make it happen.

It's about time, but I'm finally taking life by the horns. And I will triumph.