"Broken"

I should absolutely have something to say about what has been going on in my life in the last few weeks, but sadly I don't really have anything springing to mind. Typical.

That seems to be a recurring concept in my life. I always feel like I have something to say, but when it comes to putting that into practice and having something to show for it, there's nothing there. I thought I would be a great English major, but when it comes to class discussions or what topic I should write about for my paper, I have nothing to say. But I guess eventually I get my papers done, so I'll find something to talk about...

I've found myself more homesick this year than previous years. Of course, having an adorable four-month-old nephew sitting at home probably has about 80% to do with that. But after a lot "discussions" with my parents, it's come to my attention that I'm just not who I used to be. My parents insist that it's college that has "done this to me." I don't really know how to process that though. While I thought I was maturing, my parents clearly didn't take the same position. And in some ways they were right, but in others I just don't know how to feel.

I've also realized how fragile friendships can be. I read an article on Relevant Magazine's website recently about how we can only really keep up with eight to twelve friendships and them still be meaningful. Ever since then, I've been trying to figure out who those people are, and I find them changing every day. There are few mainstays, but I honestly don't know who I can depend on for the most part. It seems like over the summer, my college friends missed me all the time, but now that we're back in the same town nobody wants to do anything. At home, nobody wanted to hang out until a week before I went back to school and now suddenly everyone really misses me and wishes I was home so we could hang out.

I don't know if it's just me, but it's starting to look like most of our relationships are broken.