a new start?

last night, elise and i resurrected a little game called geometry wars for the first time since last year. the game really must be played to be fully understood, but last year it was probably the most fantastic game we had ever played, which may or may not have been influenced by the fact that it was typically around two in the morning when we played it.

but something just didn't feel that great about it anymore. it just wasn't as hilariously entertaining as it used to be. and my roommate said something that has been resonating ever since: "i don't really think we're the same people we were a year ago."

this year has easily been one of the most trying years that i can remember. i'm pretty sure that regardless of what happens in the next ten years, i will look back at my sophomore year of college and remember it as the one where i went through the most and (hopefully) grew up the most. the more i think about it, the more i realized how much i've changed in the last year. and i'm not really sure i like all of the changes, but then again i can't imagine going back to who i was then.

the thing that scares me the most is the fact that when i transfer to ball state, i'll have the opportunity to be whoever i want to be. there will be a grand total of two people on the entire campus who really know me. this is prime time to reinvent myself... but is that really what i want? who do i want to be, and can i actually be that person? who does God want me to be?

i'm not sure where this is going. but i do know that i'm terrified. and i want to be someone different.