robots in love

as time goes on, i become more and more dissatisfied with the title of my blog. but maybe this one will stick around because it really doesn't mean anything. well, it comes from something, but i'm not even sure what it means because it's not perfect.

lemme explain.

the get up kids' something to write home about has always been one of my favorite albums. in fact, to this day it's one of only two albums right off the top of my head (the other being anberlin's cities) that i can listen to from beginning to end without even thinking about pressing the "next" button. sure there some other almost-perfect albums out there, but all the others have those one or two songs i really just don't like all that much.

i remember it like it was yesterday: i was about to move into the youth group at my church at first baptist in boonville while craig was still there, and every wednesday night they'd be blaring some kickin' music on the stereo, all by bands i'd never heard of. and one night they were playing something to write home about. and one night we went over to one guy's house for a party and a big group of people were sitting around playing acoustic guitar and singing stuff, and the only songs i really remember were "the best deceptions" (dashboard), "screaming infedelities" (dashboard), and the first get up kids song i fell in love with, "out of reach."

all of this is really irrelevant, i just wanted to share my story.

but here's the point: i've always been intrigued by the cover art. i mean seriously, what the heck is going on here?
and inside the case, there's this little robot cupid, so i've always been under the impression that they're in love. and then i got to think about the song "out of reach" and my favorite line in the song--"start over is no way to begin--and how that would relate to what the album cover is trying to do.

i have this theory that i'm not the only one experiencing emotional trauma at this point in my life, and while i could be wrong, i'd like to think i'm not alone in this. i think there are a lot of people out there just trying to feel something. but we don't know what to feel, or we don't know how to feel, or something. something is broken, and we don't feel what we should.

we're all robots.

and after a long time of being stuck in my own crap, i'm learning how to feel again. i'm finding out that love is a lot bigger than me, and there's a lot more to feel than just the despair i feel like i've been feeling non-stop lately. and it finally ocurred to me just recently that, to paraphrase the lifehouse song "whatever it takes," i have to learn how to love myself before i can love anyone else.

so that's why the blog is currently titled "robots in love." it sounds dumb, but it has some sort of meaning, at least to me. and i'm sure i'll change it in the next few days/weeks/months, but for now, that's how it is.