direction

i hate college. i don't hate the experience of it, but i hate the idea of it. this is the most emotionally, physically, and spiritually tumultuous period of my life, in the the midst of this chaos, i'm supposed to decide--once and for all--what i want to do with the rest of my life. i have nineteen years of experience on this earth--and i can't remember the first five or so--and now i'm forced to choose ONE thing to do for the next forty years?

right now i'm in my third semester of college, and i'm spending a LOT of money figuring out what i want to do. and now i'm pretty convinced that i want to completely change my direction in life. the sad part is that i don't really know if this is what i want, and if i don't that will become four wasted semesters.

really, i just feel completely helpless right now. there are a lot of things i'm interested in, and there are some things i'm good at, but i don't know if there's anything i'm interested in doing and i'm good enough to do for the rest of my life. that's a really long time, you know?

i want to make a difference. that's really all i know.